No Air
by cloakedauthor21
Summary: re-vamp of Smash's Story. How Smash met her downfall and how that effected everyone. One beat her. One loved her. Two gorgeous boys and the girl trapped by abuse and drugs. Until she decided to end it. Warning: strong language
1. The Turning Point

**A/N: ok guys I got a new inspiration for this so I'm started from scratch with a different perspective on this back-story of Smash. This is gonna be done a lil different. Hope you guys like it. On with the show!**

**No Air**

**Chapter 1 The Turning Point**

_Diary, I can't take anymore of this stuff._ The small brunette girl furiously wrote in the composition book that held all her secrets.

_Dean is tearing me apart from the inside out. No time with my friends, no time for myself, just time for him. God forbid I forget to text him or something to say where I am. He can go fuck himself for all I give a damn now! I know he's been cheating on me. But that's nothing to the bruises he leaves on my body. He's so strong, and I'm so weak now, diary. What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm so strung out on drugs all the time, diary. True, he didn't get me started, the kids in my group therapy did, but he got me on stronger stuff. I should call the cops. But to what end? To be torn apart in court? I don't think so. Fuck this! I miss Fulton. I miss the way things were with him. Life was good and simple. And I was happy. Before Shaun died. My twin… no one else truly understands my pain, diary. No one but you._

_I hate what I've become. I'm weak. I'm sickly skinny. And I'm a fake. And for what? Because he told me to? I can't play hockey. Why should I live if I can't play alongside those I care about most? I'll see you soon Shaun. I'll walk beside you again soon dear brother. Fuck all this world has become for me!_

Smash sat propped up on her bed, alone in the house as she always was anymore. She was surrounded by the pictures she loved most. One of her and her twin, on of her and her two best friends (Puck and Blade), and one of her and the gentle boy Fulton. The last picture was of her and her boyfriend, Dean Portman.

Balling up a small fist, Smash punched the glass of the picture of herself and Dean. The glass broke and cut her knuckles up pretty bad. She was past feeling, she hadn't felt in so long. Taking the largest piece of glass she picked up her cell phone in her uninjured hand.

Smash dialed the number quickly, having memorized it so long ago. It rang twice before he answered it.

"Hey, Smash. What's up?" Fulton's innocence might spare him.

"Fulton." she said trying to choke back the sob making it's way to her throat.

"Smash? What's wrong? Do you want me to come over?" there was worry in his voice. She couldn't allow him to see her like this.

"No, Fulton. Don't come over. I just wanted to call and tell you that I'm sorry. For everything. I'm sorry, Fulton."

Smash hung up the phone as a tear rolled down her cheek, threatening her resolve. She had already made up her mind. Taking a deep breath, she clenched the fingers holding the glass.

Using the glass from the picture frame of the one picture she wished she could erase, Smash sliced open her wrist following the line of the faint blue vein down her arm. She then did the same to the other.

Taking up her pen one last time, she wrote her goodbye.

_Fulton, I'm sorry can't cover it. I love you._

_Puck and Blade, stay strong. I'll watch over you always._

_Mom and Dad, don't blame yourselves. This goes deeper than you know. I'm going to be with Shaun now. See you someday._

_Dean- Go fuck yourself and go to Hell! You're the WORST boyfriend EVER! FUCK YOU!_

Returning to her bed and feeling numb and faint, Smash was starting to lose consciousness when a figure appeared by her window.

Fulton about wet himself when he saw what his best friend and the girl he would always love had done to herself. Quickly calling 911, he held Smash close to him, praying to a God he stopped believing in long ago that she live. He needed her in his life. She knew him best and she was always honest about everything with him. At least she used to be. Before Dean came along. He did not want this small and frail girl in his arms to die. It would kill him…

**Ok guys, that was chapter one. Show Smash some love you guys and review for me please. I crave your feedback to write more! Love to all you wonderful fans!**

**~CloakedAuthor21**

**PS- Disney owns MD and the characters you know and love and I own the rest!**

**PPS- casting call for ids for the group therapy (include why they're there and what drugs they're on please) if you guys wanna be included in Smash's downfall that is. C'mon, we're all a little evil hahaha. Peace and love.**


	2. Alone

**A/N: ok thanks for reading and thank you for reviewing. Let me know how you guys like this new twist on things. It's a lot darker than its predecessor, I know. But it will be so good. I feel it! Ok, enough rambling from me. On with the show.**

**Chapter 2 Alone**

**Two Years Earlier**

Smash was lost. Not physically, but definitely emotionally. It had been two weeks since her twin brother, Shaun, had died in the tragic accident. And though she would never say it out loud, she felt it was her fault. If she had just told someone to go pick him up, he wouldn't have gotten into that car.

Fulton had been there when she got the news. He tried to be supportive, but Smash didn't want to be consoled. She wanted to be miserable. She deserved to be miserable.

Sitting in her room staring at the picture of her and Shaun, Smash felt angry and sad. The pen in her hand scribbling furiously in her composition book her therapist had given her.

_Diary, dies life truly move on? Mom and Dad spend less time at home now. Diving into their work so they don't have to look at me._

_A constant reminder of my brother. Their favorite. They've never said so, and I do have a lot of freedoms regardless, but Shaun got away with everything._

_Maybe I'm losing my mind. That quack has me on anti-depressants. I don't like how they take away my ability to feel. When I take the pills I feel like a zombie. A shell of who I used to be._

_I don't answer the phone anymore. I let them leave messages. I won't go out. Not with Puck and Blade. Not with Fulton. I lock myself in my room and write in you, my dear diary._

_You're the only one that can understand how I feel. You'll never judge me either._

_Fulton still climbs in my window. It's sweet, but usually I just wanna be alone._

Smash stopped writing when a tap at her window drew her attention. It was Fulton. She opened the window for him and watched as he climbed in. He engulfed her in a hug and kissed her hair.

Fulton truly loved this small girl in his arms. He hated how much pain she was in, but he had no idea how to help her. When she pulled away, he sat next to her on her bed and took her hand in his.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go out and do something, Smash. See a movie or something?" he asked tentatively. Testing the air. He felt her refusal before she answered.

"I can't, Fulton. I have to go see my shrink in a little bit. My parents are forcing me to go. Remember?" Smash said flatly.

She didn't want to have a good time. Why should she? Her brother just died. She needed to be miserable. How could she make Fulton see this.

"It's ok, Smash." he said putting an arm around her. "Maybe another time. You can't keep yourself locked up in here, you know?"

Why can't I? Fulton, you'll never understand.

"Maybe another time." she said lying. And they both knew it.

With a small, sweet kiss goodbye, Fulton was gone. Smash got dressed for her therapy session in silence. Thinking of how different life was now.

"So, Stephanie, you haven't gone out at all since the accident?" Dr. Willows asked as he scribbled something in Smash's file.

"Haven't felt like having fun. Still trying to get over my brother's death and everything." Smash said. She hated being called by her first name, and hated this doctor even more.

"I see. Well, Stephanie, I don't see you making much progress here with just the one on one sessions."

"What do you mean?" Smash was utterly confused.

"I'm going to put you in group therapy sessions that I hold on Friday nights. It's a group of other teens that have suffered a recent tragic loss, like yours."

"Did any of those other kids lose a twin?" Smash asked with a slight danger to her voice that was lost on Willows.

"No, but-"

"Then their losses, however tragic, are not like mine. But I'll play nice and go to your group sessions."

"We'll still have our one on one sessions, too." Willows said being caught slightly off guard by Smash's hostility.

"Are we done here, Doc?" she asked, done with this session.

"Yes. I think we've talked enough for today. See you on Friday, Stephanie." Willows said as Smash got up and walked out of the office.

"Fucking quack." Smash muttered darkly under her breath.

Smash was NOT looking forward to her group therapy session on Friday. She did NOT want to share her loss with a group of other kids, who wouldn't be able to grasp her loss. She just wanted to crawl in a hole and die. She felt she was in a world with no air…

**A/N: ok guys I don't own MD or the characters you know and love, all others I do however own. If you wanna create a character or two for Smash's group therapy pm me a character discription (you know appearance, name, recent tragedy, and what kinda meds they're on). Show Smash some love and review. I live and write for you, the fans. Peace and love.**

**~CloakedAuthor21**


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